Hi everyone. As most of you know from my posts online I recently moved to Portland, Oregon. I did so in an attempt to pursue my dream of becoming a writer and comic book creator. I am currently in an apartment with nothing but a mattress and a few boxes, mostly books, that I brought from home. My days are filled with writing then going to a cafe to use their internet to try and find a job or get funding for a comic book project I have going. While I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, I am lonely and scared of what the future holds. I have some money in savings to last me a few months but after that I really have no idea where I’ll be.
Then a few hours ago, just miles from where I live, a disturbed person began shooting at people while they Christmas shopped in a mall. I’m not going to comment much on the event because not everything is clear about what happened. Also, there isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t been said already. All I do is write about how it has affected me.
I’m writing this on my mattress in my studio. As soon as I’m done I’m going to a local coffee shop, get a cup of coffee and use their internet to post this online. And all I can think about is how lucky I am to be alive, loved and to have people that are willing to take time out of their day to read the stuff I write. There is a line from one of the writings that I think applies well to the feelings I have today. “I am. And as long as I have that I will be eternally grateful.”
There is a saying that goes something like this- “Writers are merely a reflection that use words to mirror the world around them.” If that is true I know a lot of writers aren’t writing today because there are no words that are able to express the tragedy that has happened.
I wrote something very similar to this after the Colorado shooting’s but I feel it needs to be said again. During times of tragedy and terror we can feel like something has been stolen from us, because it has. It leaves us with a pain in our stomachs where we may feel like the only solution is to either lash out in anger or turn into ourselves in sorrow. While those things may give us a distraction from the feelings of loss, I find they can’t offer you any kind of real solution.
The only resolution I can find when experiencing these feelings of violation is to do something to remind myself that there is good in this world. The reason I do these things are completely selfish because for me, doing something good is the only thing that will help soften that pain I feel when we experience a loss like we have all experienced today. If you are experiencing these same type of feelings please try going out of your way to do something that will change someone’s life for the better. I think you will get the same results I have had.
Because I am doing the starving artist thing I don’t have a lot of money to give. So tomorrow I will be going to the Portland, Oregon Red Cross and donating blood. Their address is 3131 N. Vancover Ave and they will be accepting blood donations from 11:15-5:45. If you live in the Portland, Oregon area and would like to donate with me I will come pick you up, we can go talk about comic books and writing while we donate blood and eat cookies. Anytime of the day works for me. Just let me know. Of we can meet there if that works better for you. If you’re not in the Portland area please find something you can do that will create a positive change. If nothing else, do it for yourself.
Thanks for reading.